


You're not alone with me in your head

by evilgeniousmastermind



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Denial, Drug Abuse, F/M, Fights, Kinky Castiel, M/M, Mental Instability, Nerd Dean, New School, Piercings, Poor living conditions, Punk Castiel, Self Harm, Self-Esteem Issues, Senior year, Smut, Suicide Attempt, Tattoos, Underage Drinking, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-27
Updated: 2014-11-11
Packaged: 2018-02-10 15:23:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2030130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evilgeniousmastermind/pseuds/evilgeniousmastermind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is as punk as it gets, sporting many tattoos and piercings, along with his apparel. His first day of senior year in a new school and he' already is making enemies, until some green eyed man worms his way into his life on the second day. The freckled faced boy helps Castiel in many ways, forcing Cas into compromising situations that has Cas running for the hills, but staying put for his adoration for the young garçon.<br/>But Castiel is cut from a completely different cloth. He knows that he's no good for Dean, he still has his hopes up high, and Cas doesn't want to soil him. He'll never be good enough for anyone, let alone this nerd cherub, so he hides every insecurity, break down, and problem behind his trademark smirk.<br/>Little does he know that Dean see right through his exterior of confidence and care free attitude.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE please PlEaSe correct any mistakes you find, or continuity errors. I desperately need some constructive criticism, and i would greatly appreciate it :)  
> I'll try my best to warn you about any potential triggers, sorry if I miss any :/
> 
> *Theres a brief display of violence towards the end of this chapter.

The day started like it always does. frigid air surprisingly cold for a late summer day. But today was somewhat different. The first day of senior year. Not that it mattered much anyways, he'd just make it through each day until college, where he can finally be him self; away from this horrid place.  
Castiel stepped down from the rungs of the attics' latter. It wasn’t as bad as it sounded; living in the attic. He had his own privacy, away from his four brothers and father.  
He made his way through the rickety house toward the bathroom. He fixed up his appearance, straightening his flaccid Mohawk. The sides of his head were shaved and the ends of his dark hair were bleached. he had a total of 11 piercings but only nine of them were visible externally. Both ears gaged to an inch, two cartilage piercings in each ear. His left eyebrow had a blue piece of metal while his lip and nose just had a plain stud.  
once finished in the bathroom he grabbed his iPod and headphones then started the long trek towards the high school. Sighing heavily he cranked his music up then pulled a cigarette from his leather cutoff jacket.  
He smoked a total of 4 cigs while walking the two and a half miles to school. Taking a deep breath he opened the school doors and walked in.  
He already knew being new to school would cause people to stare, but honestly he didn’t expect the level of unabashed glaring from the kids around him. His appearance wasn’t appreciated around all the conservatively dressed people. Fuck them he thought.  
The bell rung and he still had no idea where his first class was. Castiel meandered around the school for another 15 minutes before he found his AP physics room. Great. Not only was everyone staring at him like he was Martian, but the teacher was giving a lecture. Everything thing seemed to pause. The only noise heard was the breathing. Even the teacher starred.  
"Are you all going to stare at me, or are you going to continue your lesson, teach?" Castiel said smarmily towards the sad excuse of a teacher in front of him.  
"Ah, yes of course Mr. sunshine, go find a spot then!" He sounded English, and clearly already had a distaste towards Castiel.  
"Go on, unless you want start off the year with an F." The teacher said when Castiel didn’t move. He wore a sharp fitting suit with a equally sharp attitude. He had a similar attitude towards Castiel as Castiel had for him. Fair enough.  
He wandered to the back and gabbed the syllabus from his desk and put it into his pocket. Today was just warming up and it already sucked.  
***  
lunch on the other hand was something new altogether. He made his way to the vending machine to buy a caffeinated drink. Normally during lunch, people talk, shout etc. But suddenly all noise around Castiel stopped.  
This is what he'd been expecting. Smirking, he casually turned around to face the person behind him. Scratch that. Many people. Finally. This was something he could enjoy.  
"What's a faggot like you doing smiling at me like that?" the boy in the lettermen jacket sneered at him. He had quite an odd speech impediment, like his jaw was place too far forward. A couple of his cronies echoed a laugh at that. Figures.  
"Enjoying the view of an emasculated boy trying to state his authority." Still simpering, Castiel cocked his head to the side, evaluating the group of kids behind him. A round of murmuring went around. Can him Alastair! someone said behind the leader Castiel presumed to be Alastair.  
"you better shut your mouth you faggot." Castiel huffed a laugh at that. the fun was just beginning.  
"I can do the next best thing and occupy it with yours, if you're interested in getting a motel after school." He winked at Alastair. He could practically hear the gears grinding in the jock's head, trying to understand if he'd been insulted.  
Alastair swung at Castiel's head. The move was slow and predictable. Using too much of his entire body to throw the punch, and not enough of an extension of his arm. Castiel shifted backwards grabbing Alastair's wrist and pulling him forward on his misspent momentum. Castiel brought his knee into his attackers' Ililotibial band. Alastair crumpled on to the floor in front of Castiel. he pulled a sharpie and a ripped piece of paper from one of the syllabi and wrote down his number.  
"Call me sometime, sweetheart." Castiel said, placing the piece of paper in Alastair's hand. He turned around picking up his dropped drink and walked away towards the school parking lot.  
the rest of his classes were spent listening to hushed rumors about the new punk who made quite the impression on the first day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: physical violence, abusive language, illegal and prescription drug abuse.

Upon his arrival at home Castiel made a beeline to the kitchen seeking out some food, having not eaten all day. Grabbing some crackers, an apple, and two cans of red bull, he retreated hastily to his room. He was folding up the stairs to the attic to shut the door, when he heard his dad grumbling from his drunken stupor in the living room. Knowing that his dad was waking up, Castiel quickened his actions, hoping that his dad didn’t know that he was home. 

He opened the tiny window on the far side of the small room to air out the stuffiness, then he began eating with a favor to that of a starving person. The apple had a large bruise on one side, and the crackers were quite stale, but food was food. 

Reaching under his pillow on his mattress he took out his pipe and his baggy of weed. He shuffled over towards the window again, sitting down so he was facing the tree that brushed up against said window. 

Being high was always nice. It made Castiel forget about all the fucked up shit in his life. He was quite good at not letting others see how much torment was bottled up, but when he was trapped with his own mind, the monsters of his past liked to play catch-up. Several bowls later, Castiel was so high, he couldn’t feel his fingers let alone make sense of what he was doing. 

Room. that’s right. He's in his room. He glanced at his sorry excuse of a room. It had a twin mattress in the corner, where the roof slopped down, making it suitable only if you're laying down. Right across from his bed was a stack of books. Ranging from the Iliad to the studies of black holes. An extension cord held a charging Dell laptop and a Nokia cell phone. He stole the laptop a year or two ago before they moved. Being short on money his whole life, Castiel one day decided to pay for his own cell phone. A commodity he wasn’t used to, but greatly appreciated. He also had a pile of clothes (some clean, some not) pushed into the corner near the window. 

Shuffling to his bed, Castiel downed a red bull and laid on his back, starring off at the ceiling. time passed, the day got significantly darker. Whether it was 10 minutes or 10 hours, he didn’t know. Rolling over on his stomach, he reached over and grabbed his crappy laptop, powering up the mean machine. Castiel wasn’t completely blazed but he still felt a little fuzzy in the head. 

While he waited for his laptop to turn on, he lit a cigarette, enjoying the nicotine coursing through him. His happiness was shortly lived when he heard a familiar vibrating noise. Sighing he reached over and grabbed his crappy phone. Only three people ever texted him: his cell provider, his annoying brother Gabriel when he had nothing better to do, or his work.   
Assuming the latter, he flipped open the screen to find a unrecognized number. Frowning, he opened up the text. 

That was a pretty cool moved you pulled today, but be careful. Alastair plans on jumping you in the morning tomorrow in the parking lot.   
Sent at 11:02 PM 

At first Castiel though this was Alastair texting him a threat, but as the text shifted into a warning, he was curious who was texting him. 

K. Thx rndom prsn. Howd u get my #?   
received at 11:03 PM 

The piece of paper you gave to Alastair. He left it on the ground.   
sent at 11:03 PM 

Oh. Duh. Castiel completely forgot about doing that. He almost forgot about Alastair altogether. That still begs the question who this is. 

Whos ths?   
received at 11:03 PM 

There was no reply, so he cast his phone aside and opened up the internet on his laptop. He immediately went to Pandora, to play some Bad Religion then proceeded to his next favorite place. Tumblr. He mostly followed informational studies, but there were a few tattoo, band, and nerdy comic blogs he followed too. He was half way through reading a depiction on Batman, by one of his favorite followers when his phone buzzed. 

Just a concerned person. Paying it forward I guess.   
sent at 11:49 PM 

dos said persn hve a name?   
received at 11:50 PM 

If Castiel hated anything more than life itself, it was the guessing game. the problem was, that he never gave up. People liked to act as if giving away certain useless information held the key to the universe, when in reality, he couldn’t care less. It was the prospect of not knowing that always got his goat. Of course there was no reply.   
He went back to his Tumblr to see that his favorite person made a text post. He's always the one making comic posts with really deep depictions of super hero's actions. Ones that almost make   
your heart clench with pity and sadness. The post read: 

First day of school and already fights ensue. Albeit it was a shortly lived one, guy was a total badass. Battle of the forces! A punk verses the school jock. How much more stereotypical can you get than that? 

There were a few notes and comments, but something seemed off about how much that resembled his day. Clicking on his url, Castiel saw who it was. Holy hell. It was the same guy from his AP calculus and philosophy class. He was the gorgeous one who sat diagonally from him in both classes. He had dishwater blond hair and forest green eyes shielded by thick framed glasses. Castiel noticed how much different his picture online looked in comparison to real life. Online there were no glasses and it was kind of blurred, and to be honest, it did him no justice. 

Castiel laughed a little at that. It would be his luck to find his favorite blogger in his new high school, much less some of his classes. Grinning to himself he shut down his spazing machine and plugged in into the charger. He rolled over on his bed and fell asleep in his clothes. 

That night he was haunted by some very old nightmares that had been plaguing him since childhood. The remaining THC in his system made him feel sluggish through his dreams, it weighted down his legs, so he couldn’t run away. He tried, but it was like running through molasses. 

That morning Castiel woke up hungry which was strange. He didn’t typically eat breakfast. He quickly changed his clothes, settling for a ripped Falling In Reverse T-shirt and his leather cutoff. Black skinny jeans and combat boots. It was his normal appearance these days he put a pen in his pocket and grabbed his lighter from the pants he wore yesterday. His cigarettes were still in his leather cutoff jacket. 

Quietly as Castiel could manage, he lowered the stair case/latter thing and climbed down. He tiptoed around the hallway that lead to the living room. Luckily his dad was passed out. The kitchen was right around the corner from the living room, so he was being as quite as he could manage. 

He was half way through eating his instant oatmeal, when he hear shuffling at the entrance to the kitchen. Shit. Castiel froze. Slowly he turned around to see his dad, still holding a bottle of amber colored liquid in his hand. 

"And just where the fuck do ya think you're going so early in the morn'n?" He all but yelled at Castiel in a slurred fashion. 

"School, you know the place where people go to get educated so they don’t end up like a drunk screaming at their children." It may have been a bad idea to say that to an abusive drunk, but he was so fed up with his dad pretending to give two shits about life around him. 

Before Castiel could block his face, his dad smashed the bottle across his face, catching on his cheek bone. There's someone who can move efficiently without over projecting their momentum. Castiel though to himself, remembering the incident yesterday with Alastair. 

Castiel was slouched over, almost at 90 degrees, but still standing on his own. That’s when his dad delivered a blow to his back, below his neck, but on his spine. he crumpled onto the hardwood floor, smashing his face on the way down. 

"Fucking pathetic piece of shit." Said his dad. fortunately he seemed worn out enough to go back to bed and didn’t continue his assaults. After a couple of minutes, Castiel composed himself then went to the bathroom to clean up the blood on his face. 

The reflection in the mirror was quite gruesome. His cheek was split horizontally across his defined cheek bone. It extended about two-ish inches and deep enough to have blood gushing from it. a faint bruise was already starting to form. His nose was bleeding slightly, but most of the blood stayed in his nose. 

He reached into the left hand drawer where all the medical supplies were. He put some of the antiseptic clotting liquid on his filleted cheek then used the butterfly stitches to hold it in place. Castiel considered if he wanted to skip school today, but the promise of a fight was too tempting to resist. 

Not wanting to stay any longer than needed, he fled the house and started walking to school early. Which was fine by him. Maybe he'd have enough time to kick every jocks ass.   
He reached into his pocket to retrieve his iPod, to find it not in his pocket. Only his headphones. The day just getting better every moment. To pass the time walking, he smoked the whole way there, taking his time with his cancer sticks. 

Castiel stood at the entrance of the student parking lot, scouting to see if Alastair had arrived yet. He couldn’t see much over the expanse of cars, they could be hiding after all, but he guessed them to be the kind of people stupid enough to stand out in the open. Don’t forget escape routes the rational part of his brain thought. He looked onward towards the hill next to the school, that’s where he saw some of the jocks. looking around, Castiel saw that it wasn’t just that escape route, but all of them were covered by at least two jocks sporting letterman jackets. This is going   
to be good. 

He was just about to make his way across the parking lot towards the inbreeds when a car honked behind him, scaring the living shit out of him. Turning around quickly he saw a 1967 black Chevy Impala pulled of to the side where he was standing. 

Of course it had to be his little blogger. He rolled down the window and beckoned Castiel forward. Frowning Castiel made his way towards the freckled nerd.   
"Why the fuck would you walk into that?" Said the boy. It wasn’t accusing, more like genuine curiosity. Castiel finally made it close enough to the car window to see every detail of the boy's face. 

He truly was beautiful. He looked up into the deep green eyes which was a bad idea. Castiel heard him gasp, eyes widening and narrowing in on Castiel cheek.   
"Holy shit, I thought I told you that Alastair was going to jump you. I didn’t know he already got the drop..." his voice faded at the end of his sentence. 

Castiel cocked his head sideways, smirking a little. 

"So you’re my little mystery texter, huh?" He felt an odd sense of satisfaction knowing someone like dean cared enough to text a random person to prevent them from injury. Castiel now knew his number, his Tumblr blog, and two of his classes at the high school. How much more can you know about a person without knowing their name? 

"That’s all you got from that?" He said, shaking his head slightly to himself. the kid reached over to the passenger side of the car to unlock the door. "Get in, I'll drive you to the teacher parking lot in the back." 

Legs with the mind of their own, Castiel followed the kid's order and walked around to the other side. Sliding into the car, Castiel realized his fucked up cheek was facing the other kid. An odd feeling went through his gut, similar to embarrassment. 

"So who won?" Freckles asked, while he pulled off the side of the road to drive around. 

"W-what? who won what?" He asked, coming out of his daydream of tanned skin and light freckles. 

"The fight with Alastair? He obviously got some good hits in." The nerdy boy said it so nonchalantly, as if talking about getting your cheek split open was a normal occurrence. 

"Hmm." Castiel said collectedly. Should he risk telling the boy it wasn’t from Alastair? He'd probably ask who it came from, and that was something Castiel didn’t feel like imparting. Instead he changed the topic. "What's your name?" 

"Uh I, I'm, m-my name is Dean?" The stutter thing was cute. Castiel smiled to himself. It was downright adorable that Dean made a statement sound like a question when the subject was switched so quickly. "You're Cas right?" Castiel frowned slightly at the nickname. "I-I mean Castiel, right?" Dean corrected himself quickly. They pulled into a parking space, and Dean put a little sticky piece of paper in the front windshield. 

"I've never been called Cas before." He said. It was true. Gabriel would occasionally call him Cassie, but never Cas. "I like it." He said quickly before Dean could apologize. Cas shot a look over at Dean who was pulling the keys out of the ignition, and gave him a flirtatious wink. He opened the door, locked and shut it before walking off. 

Dean scurried to catch up to him. "You never answered my question." He piped up. Cas glanced sideways at Dean, eyebrows raised in question to what he was talking about. " 'Bout what went down between you and Alastair..." He trailed off, looking intently forward. 

Cas followed his gaze and saw who was standing near the back entrance to the school. The universe really did hate him today. Cas chuckled out loud, seeing Alastair leaning casually against the frame of the building. Looking around them, Cas saw that a couple of his groupies were about to circle around them. 

"Get out of here Dean, now." Cas said urgently, hoping he could make it past Alastair without having to become involved in the inevitable fight. He could feel the start of adrenaline rush through him. At least this will be reviving. Dean still hadn't moved. "GO!" Cas grunted at him, taking his shoulder and shoving him through the narrow passageway at the door. This predicament meant that Cas could retreat with Dean into the school, or be cornered against a door. Choosing that Latter, Cas turned facing his attackers. There were only four, including Alastair. 

He glanced at the hinges on the door. Huh. It’s a swing door. Nice. Some black Haired boy swung first. Cas easily dodged it, but that meant he was in Alastair's striking range. Reaching behind himself, he grabbed the handle of the door, pulling it open towards Alastair, blocking his roundhouse that connected painfully on the metal door. Smiling to himself, Cas saw in his peripheral vision someone to his side. He stepped back, pulling on someone's wrist, and executing the same move from yesterday. The boy whom he kneed in the IT-band was significantly tinier than the other boys, so the force sent him several feet outward, his leg cramped underneath him. 

Cas paused a moment too long, and received a through kick from someone behind him. Luckily it was several inches above his only kidney. Cas pivoted 180 degrees, and quickly caught the person's foot. Wrenching it high above the black haired boys head. He knew this would pull his hamstrings painfully. Pushing off the guys foot so he fell on his back with a pitiful "oof" sound. out of habit Castiel blocked his head expecting one of the other two uncompromised boys to throw a punch or a kick. He predicted correctly and the other brown haired jock tried giving him an uppercut. However with Castiel blocking, it collided with his forearms, sliding up them dispersing the force. 

Cas maneuvered his blocked hand quick enough to grasp a hold of the other boys' wrist he attempted upper cutting with. Cas pulled him forward quickly, anticipating that Alastair was about to throw something at him. The beefy brown haired kid stumbled forward, and Cas pivoted behind said kid like he was holding him hostage. Not a second later, Alastair gave another powerful roundhouse kick onto the kid that was now filling Castiel's vacated spot. Part of Alastair's kick hit Cas' hip, but the other kid took most of it. Shoving the chubby kid towards Alastair, Castiel side stepped, and gave a well executed, perfectly straight punch to Alastair's face. 

The pain in Cas' body wasn’t too terrible, but it was mostly chased away by adrenaline. Fighting always made him happy. Smiling, Cas walked into the school through the back entrance with his everlasting smirk plastered on his face. Much to his surprise, Dean was still there with some ginger chick. Their faces were expressionless, jaws dropped and eyes open wide.   
After a moments' realization, Cas realized they probably watched the whole thing through the door's window. Great, another person he'd have to take care of 

"Neither of you are going to rat me out, right?" Castiel sighed agitatedly, hoping at the very least he could bribe them not to talk about his little stunt.   
The ginger girl talked first. "OH MY GOD, FANGIRL OVERDRIVE! That was unbelievably amazing, kinda like when Kirk and Spock had that massive fight when Spock's seven years were up, then they had the battle royale.." 

"Charlie, shut up!" Dean interrupted the girl who was talking a mile a minute. Seriously how could someone talk that fast?   
Charlie clapped her hand over her mouth and stared at Cas as if he were Bruce Lee.   
The awkward silence extended for a while longer; Cas staring at the couple while they stared back at him. He felt something warm and wet sliding down his face. Reaching up to touch it, he found that is was blood, coming from his cheek. Dammit. His makeshift stitch must have come undone. 

Looking up from his bloodied fingers, he glared at the pair. "You two better not mention this to anyone. I'm in need of the restroom." Directing his stare at Dean, he asked "Could you point me in the direction of one?" 

"Y-y-yeah, o-of course, this way." Dean stumbled around until he started walking down the hallway. Charlie walked the opposite direction to look out the window. Cas followed Dean around the corner into a rancid smelling bathroom with two urinals and a single toilet stall and one sink. Grabbing some paper towels and headed towards the sink to wet them and clean up his face a little bit. The mirror showed that his cheek had taken to a nasty dark blue hue. His knuckles were also bloodied, but not too bad. 

Cas noticed something moving in the mirror. Looking up, he saw that Dean was still with him in the bathroom. Now that the adrenaline was leaving his system, pain started coming back to him full force. 

Turning around, facing Dean he asked "What are you still doing here?" Bringing up a hand to caress his now aching head, he met wide open green eyes. 

"I-I just wanted to make sure y-you were okay." He started to frown a little bit, as if Cas asked a stupid question. "A-and school doesn’t start for another 10 minutes so there's really nothing else to do" 

Castiel was just about to tell him to piss off, but at that moment, Charlie strolled into the guys bathroom. "Oh, good. It's you guys. I just wanted to say that..." She stopped her sentence midway when she looked over at Castiel by the sink, cradling his aching temple in one hand. "OH! I have some super strong stuff that'll take care of that." she partially mumbled while she fumbled through her BBC Sherlock side-bag. Pulling out an orange bottle of pills, she popped the lid and pulled out three. 

"What?" Cas asked. He wasn’t quite sure if she was offering them to him. Why would she? They just met, sort of. She had absolutely no reason to be nice to him whatsoever 

"Well are you just going to stare at them or take them? They're 300 milligrams, and it's also an anti-inflammatory. I don’t know your body weight, but this seems like a good guess. At worst, you'll just get a little high, and maybe fall asleep. Once I took four, and I swear I was floating." She rambled the entire story/information in less than ten seconds. Seriously, this girl had some problems. He carefully plucked them from her palm and popped them in his mouth. Bending over the sink he drank some water from the faucet washing down the pills. 

"WOW! you have a fantastic ass!" Charlie blurted from behind him. He choked a little while swallowing down the pills. They almost came back up. He stood, swallowing down the rest of the water in his mouth. He turned around wiping his mouth on the back of his arm. He raised a questioning eyebrow at her outburst. 

"Well it's true, anyone with a brainstem can see that, I was just stating the obvious." She said defensively. Castiel looked between the couple. Surely Dean wouldn't let his girlfriend get away with saying something about another guys appearance in front of him. 

"I think you need to talk some tactfulness into your girlfriend there, Dean." Castiel said, gesturing towards Charlie. 

"W-What?" They both replied in unison. They both glanced at each other, and Charlie visibly cringed. "Dude, no!" Dean said after a moment. "Nah man, she's just a good friend of mine." 

"By good friend, he really does mean friend, cause I'm already at 100% lesbian capacity." That was not expected. Cas even had a pretty good Gaydar, but he really thought those two were dating. A small sliver of happiness filled his stomach at the thought of Mr. freckles being single. Hopefully. 

Turning back around, Cas grabbed more paper towels and held them to his cheek, trying his best to clot the blood before class started.   
Cas started to walk to the door, still holding the towel to his cheek. He was about half way when he stumbled and fell partially into the wall. 

Dean's hand was wrapped firmly against Cas' arm, steadying him. His vision went hazy for a moment then back to clarity.   
"H-hey, it might be best to take it easy." Deans voice was gentle, but it was coddling too, and He didn’t want to hear it from him. Or see the sympathy in his eyes. 

"I'm good, I just need to walk it off. Thanks." He addressed them both before stumbling out of the bathroom. He was in a desperate need for some fresh air. He turned down the first hallway he found and saw that it lead out side. Shuffling faster to it, He realized all too late that this was the same place where just fought Alastair. Too late. The door was already open and he was partially out of the building now. 

Castiel looked around, and much to his surprise, he found that no one was around. The place was free of people. Sighing a breath of relief, Cas pulled a cigarette and lit it, while he slid his back against the building, shifting into a sitting position with his knees drawn in. 

He was almost done with the rest of his cigarette, when the door swung open, almost hitting him, since he was sitting beside it, the hinge right next to his head. The door stayed open for a couple of moments before Cas heard Deans voice say "Dammit, where else could he be?" Castiel said nothing as Dean and Charlie exited the building. Cas stubbed out his cig, before he tried to stand up. 

"Gawd, was someone smoking out he...?" Charlie shut her mouth with an audible clack of her teeth. Dean turned following her line of sight to see Cas sitting down. 

Cas glanced at them uncaringly then stood up on shaky legs. Immediately he was lightheaded and everything went black and fuzzy.


	3. Chapter 3

When he came to, which was barely a minute, he found himself slung over Dean's shoulder while the guy carried him towards the parking lot.   
A little too late, Cas realized that his groin was positioned right at Dean's chest. Cas squirmed a little, but he liked the pressure Dean was applying to his lower buttocks trying to stabilize the man on his shoulders 

"Hold still Cas, or I'm gunna drop ya." Dean muffled. With Cas in this position he had a very nice view of Dean's rear. One arm was draped behind Dean, close enough to touch his butt. Castiel wanted both his arms free to touch his behind, but his other was pinned to his side. He squirmed some more and Dean stopped then shifted Cas down his front. It was the most enticing thing, sliding down this boys front like that. Jeeze where are these thoughts coming from? He thought to himself. 

His brain felt really fuzzy, like whenever he OD's on prescription drugs. Oh yah, that’s right I did. Cas's eyes were only closed for a second before he realized that he was sitting inside the Impala. When did that happen. He looked out the windshield to see Dean walking to the drivers side. Cas could feel his anxiety building up and threatening to have an anxiety attack. Damn drugs. There's a reason he only does the natural ones. 

He closed his eyes while he took a deep breath. He heard Dean slide into the drivers side and start the car. 

"Where to?" Dean asked Castiel. As if he had any freaking idea as to what was going on. 

"Huh?" 

"Where do you live? I'm taking you home, you shouldn’t be at school like this." 

Cas groaned as his stomach cramped painfully in response to the medication. Cas held his head with his hands and placed his elbows between his knees. He was sure he was going to have and attack soon 

"You shouldn't be reactin' like that to those meds. They're strong no doubt, but not like that. Have you eaten anything?" 

Cas thought to all the food he's had in the past twenty four hours. He had a few bites of oatmeal this morning, an apple after school with some saltines, and that was pretty much it. The previous day he only had the remainder of some jo-jo's that Gabriel didn’t finish. "Not really." Cas groaned. 

"Okay, I know just the place." Dean said. Castiel wasn't really listening, he was more focused trying not to have a major anxiety attack in front of the boy he plans on getting laid with. It was better to pass of his actions as drug induced. They kind of were, but he can handle drugs pretty well. 

"I'm gunna close my eyes for a few, please don’t drive super crazily." Cas half mumbled to the other boy. He said something in return, but once again he wasn’t listening. He really concentrated on his breathing, trying to bring down his heart rate so he wont pass out again. After nearly eight minutes doing just that, Castiel sat up in the car and looked at his surroundings. They were on a main road passing some stores and motels. He chanced a look over at Dean. He was watching the road with a slight grimace, like he was deeply pondering something. 

Once they passed all the tiny stores, there was another road to the left that lead into a parking lot of a restaurant. The sign said Roadhouse Bar and Grill. Cas instantly was worried about expenses. He had his wallet with him, but money was tight, and he still had to pay a hefty portion of the bills. Maybe if he bought something small and cheap, like a coffee. 

Cas followed Dean's lead, and stepped out of the Impala and walked into the Roadhouse. They were greeted with a loud yell that was surprisingly feminine. 

"Mr. Winchester, what do you think you're doing skipping school?" It was a loaded question, but the woman obviously cared deeply for dean. Perhaps it was his mother? 

"Just payin' it forward Ellen." Dean gestured with his head to Castiel. Ellen's hardened stare dropped when she saw Castiel's bruised and cut face. Within a matter of seconds, Ellen was standing right in Castiel's space. She cupped his jaw and raised it to her inspection. 

"This better not be from you Dean. If you think you can get off the hook by buying someone food to apologize.." She was cutoff half way through her rant by Dean who just said "No Ma'am, just helping Cas out." 

Castiel was already kind of irritated how they kept referring to him as if he weren’t standing right there, in-between the two. He started to open his mouth to come up with a witty retort but Ellen cut him off. 

"Fair enough, I won't pry, but you two stay out of trouble." Ellen turned around and started walking off."I mean that boys!" She pointed two fingers at them both. Cas just met her. Not even officially. But for some reason Cas felt endeared by her concern. Maybe not everyone here in this shit town was an ass. 

Dean tapped the back of his shoulder, getting his attention. He gestured towards an empty booth in the dining area. The boys made their way through the smoky haze   
Sitting across from each other, Cas could see Deans eyes go lighter in color with the natural lighting hitting them. Jeeze Cas really needed to stop looking at him. 

"So why would a nerd like you, frequent a place like this?" Castiel gestured towards the half full bar of biker gangs and wanderers. 

Castiel's stomach was still cramping and pulsating against his hand that he was resting it upon. He tried to distract himself from it by talking to Dean. 

"I-I d-don't, I m-mean I do, but Ellen 's a family friend, so my folks and I get a discount and stuff." Cas wondered if Dean always stuttered, or if he was just nervous around Cas. Either way it was quite charming. "And I'm not a nerd!" Dean retorted defensively. His outburst caught Castiel off-guard. 

It made Cas giggle a little, which ended quickly when his stomach seized up. "Okay Mr. Batman obsesser." He grinned at the freckled boy, and throwing him a casual wink. Dean's jaw visibly dropped, but before he could counter, Ellen showed up at their booth. 

"The usual for you two?" There was obviously something Ellen wanted to say, but whether it was directed at Cas, or just them in general, he didn’t know. She didn’t ask anything aside from that, but it was clear something was plaguing her. 

"I'll just take a coffee, thanks." That answer didn’t sit well with Dean and Ellen. 

"The usual. Two please, Ellen." He smiled at her, showing off a dazzling set of dimples. Ellen grinned back, and gave a slight frown at Castiel. What did he do wrong this time? All I asked for was some coffee, god damn. 

She disappeared once again and Cas was left to stare at the beautiful human in front of him. "So do you bring all your dates here, enough times to warrant a 'usual', ah?" He knew this would rile up Dean, but it was something to pass the time. It definitely wasn't because Dean blushed so easily. 

"W-what? NO! Dude you passed out on me. What else was I supposed to do?" Dean tried to deflect the obvious allusion, but then he said the rest accusingly. He was really cute when riled up. A stream of heat went through his stomach, but this time it had nothing to do with the drugs in his system. 

Turning his head slightly sideways with his trademark simper he said "Cool it Winchester, just giving you shit cause you take it." Cas tugged at his lip ring with his tongue. Dean followed the movement with his eyes. BINGO! his brain shouted at him. Dean met his eyes and glared at him half-heartedly. He then looked out the window, dismissing any type of conversational attempts. Fine, be that way. I'll crack you soon enough. 

Castiel let the silence stretch on. He was staring at the center of the table spacing out, while toying with his lip ring with his tongue. A habit he picked up to pass the time. Some time later, (he wasn't sure how long, he always spaced heavily when drugged up) Dean spoke up 

"what's that?" He asked nicely, but the sudden noise made Cas jump. He shot his head up looking at Dean with questioning eyebrows. "In your mouth?" Dean quipped.   
Cas was just about to say something sarcastic like Teeth? don’t you have some too? but then a waiter appeared, holing two plates with burgers and curly fries, a can of coke and a small mug of coffee. She was a cute girl, blonde hair and a bright smile. 

"Thank ya Jo!" Dean said, giving her too, a beaming smile. Why cant he smile at me like that? Jesus, Cas was getting really tired of these random and stupid thoughts in his head. Dean had no reason to smile at him like that, so why should he? 

Jo said something in return, but Castiel was still stuck in his own mind. He definitely didn’t miss the heated look in her eyes. She like dean. Of course she does, who doesn't? That boy is downright gorgeous! 

"Cas? you okay there buddy?" Castiel snapped out of it when dean brought his hand in front of his face, waving it. He realized that Jo had already left, and Dean had started on his burger. 

"Peachy." Cas wasn’t all that hungry and just looking the bacon burger made him feel nauseous. He opted instead for the black coffee. 

Sinking back into the cushioned booth, Cas held the coffee to his lips, evaluating the boy sitting across from him. Dean wasn’t a messy eater, but he wasn't composed either. He held a look of pure happiness eating that burger like it was treasure. Now that Cas really looked at him, he found that he wasn’t as scrawny as he originally though. Through his flannel over-shirt there was quite some muscle definition. Yummy. Cas stopped all thoughts right there. 

He set his coffee down and grabbed a curly fry from his plate. Chewing, he continued to stare at the green eyed boy. Dean glanced up after finishing his burger in less than 5 minutes. Impressive.   
He held Cas' stare for a moment before saying "Dude, seriously you have to eat. That’s really not healthy. unless you're a vegetarian. Oh shit, you're not a vegetarian, are you?" 

Grinning once again Cas turned his head partially, still playing with his lip ring. "No Dean, I'm not a vegitarian." Humor filled his voice as he replied, without breaking eye contact. 

"So what's that thing in your mouth, you never answered." Dean had one eye brow pushed slightly down. 

"What, this?" Castiel asked innocently, opening his mouth and ran his tongue seductively on the inside of his lower lip. Dean's pupil dilated when he tracked Cas's tongue.   
Castiel displayed two barbell piercings that were place about an inch away from each other. Dean was obviously flustered, his cheeks started to turn bright red, along with his ears. He glanced away, looking out toward the window as if it were means of escape. Cas wanted to toy with him even more. 

"What's the matter Winchester, you look kinda red. Was it something I said?" Cas wanted to know how far he could push him. 

"N-no, I-I was just wondering why y-you would do something like that. I-I mean some people do have tongue piercings, obviously, but usually it's only one. Just sounds kinda painful and all.." He seemed quite out of breath and he was still blushing profusely. Perfect, he fell for it. 

Cas smiled deviously, before finishing his remaining curly fries. Leaning in over the table, all the way in Dean's personal space, he started talking softly. A salacious smirk on his face. He bit his lip, the one with the piercing in it. The metal clank echoed between the two boys. 

"Well Winchester if you really want to know I'll tell. I spaced them an inch away, far enough that I can clip a vibrating piece of plastic onto each end of the barbells. You can do it with just one tongue piercing, but with two it doesn’t slid around in your mouth. It's about this big." He indicated between two fingers, showing the guesstimated size. "Then I can do whatever I want to the person I'm with. I hear it gives quite the sensory overload." 

Castiel straightened and retreated to his own side of the table, head still cocked to the side, his everlasting smile still plastered on his face. Dean looked absolutely wrecked. His eyes barely had a rim of green around his pupils, breathing in shallow pants. He tried to pass of as casual, glaring slightly at Cas like he was completely unaffected. It was truly adorable. 

"Why-" At that moment Jo stopped by, asking them how it was all going. Castiel requested a box to put his untouched burger into. She returned moments later, and told them to have a good time. Castiel was quite confused, where was the check? She disappeared before he could ask. 

"It's on the house, that's their policy for first time customers, and I'm a regular so.." Dean uttered. 

Cas returned to his trademark smirk. He followed Dean out the door, heading towards the Impala. Once they were situated inside, Cas deliberately sat closer to dean, but only by a couple inches. There was still an ample amount of space between the two. Dean almost finished the task of putting the key into the ignition, when he stopped and sat back, straightening in his seat. 

"Dude, why are you doing this to me?" He snapped. Cas was near his breaking point. Oh this is going to get better he thought to himself. 

"Doing what, Winchester?" He was so close to breaking him, he could almost taste it. Cas tried to pull off the "innocent" question, but he couldn’t help but smile a little. 

"THIS!" Dean mimed with his hands, signaling between them. His exclamation was quite heated, but he glanced away from Cas. 

"Do you not like my company? I can leave if you want, I don’t want to impose upon you." Casteil feigned a hurt tone into his voice. Playing with the Winchester boy was proving to be far too easy. 

"W-what? N-NO, that's not what I mean. I-I I'm not used to people doing this type of thing, ya know, the things you've been doing.." Dean tried explaining, as if Castiel was indifferent to the treatment in the Roadhouse. He thought Cas didn't realize that he was seducing the blond-haired beauty. Dean sighed to himself and began driving, not bothering to finish his sentence. 

"Where do you live?" 

"Over yonder." He pointed to the left at the intersection. Cas didn’t direct him to his house, but rather an empty lot several block away from his work. Dean looked around suspiciously. As if he didn’t understand what was about to happen. 

"Cas are you su-" Dean turned his head to look at Cas while asking. 

He stopped the freckled boy from finishing his question. He slid over, standing on his knees, partially leaning over Dean. His face was only mere inches away from the other boy's. Dean's breath was hitched up in his throat, his eyes were opened wide with surprise. Cas purposefully opened his mouth and licked his bottom lip, making sure that his tongue piercings were visible. Dean's eyes dilated significantly, tracing the action. 

Cas' lips quirked up in a small smile. He could feel Dean's hot, shallow breaths ghosting across his own face. Castiel locked gazes with Dean, and held it. The tension between them rising to extraordinary levels. Cas really wanted to see if he could force the prude of a nerd into action. He loved the anticipation. Playing people like his own personal game, trying to goad them into doing anything he wishes. The satisfaction of being in control of their actions brought the greatest joy. But still, Dean was not taking the bait. Hmm. That doesn’t happen often. 

"What's the matter Winchester?" He said, few inches from Dean's face, his word soft and breathily. Dean look up from Cas's lips to meet his eyes. Still, Dean didn’t do anything. Fine then.   
Cas huffed a good-natured laugh, and reclined into his side of the car. He flashed a blinding smile that he knew reflected in his eyes, before passing off another wink to the kid before hopping out of the car. He walked to one of the abandoned cement cylinders. He leaped up on it, being one of the industrial ones that was just under 5 feet tall. Pulling out his smokes, he offered one to Dean who slowly made his way back to Cas, joining him on the block of cement. 

Dean shook his head, declining. He shrugged and continued to light his. If Dean wasn’t interested in playing Cas's game, then what was the point?   
"What are you still doing here?" Cas asked. The other boy hopped on to the concrete cylinder, sitting less than a foot away from Cas. "Not to sound snarky, I mean, I can take a rejection but typically you don’t hang around afterwards." He had a small smile, the edges of his lips turned up a little bit. 

"I-I don't know really. I-I I mean I do, but I g-guess I just u-uh-" Cas tossed his cigarette on the ground and within seconds, he was straddling Deans legs. He was a little closer to the edge than he wanted to be but he just pushed Dean backwards to accommodate him. Cas leaned in real close to his face, his lips millimeters from Dean's. 

"Dean Winchester, are you trying to tell me you have never been with a man before?" 

"I-I have, I-I dated once, b-but we never d-did stuff." Dean's breath back to quick shallow breaths. His eyes darted down to Cas's lips. Normally Cas waits for the other person to make the first move, generally by driving them crazy by not taking initiative. It's a fool proof plan that has gotten him laid more times than he can count. He knew Dean was inexperienced, but full on virgin? That's an opportunity he just couldn't pass up. 

Not thinking further than that, Cas pushed himself forward, making Dean recline on his elbows, while Cas's arms were placed on the outside of his, caging Dean in. He roughly joined their mouths. Cas separated Dean's lips with a quick swipe of his tongue, delving into the warm heat. Cas experimentally drug his studded tongue across Dean's. The other man moaned softly into his mouth. But Cas wants more, he wants to hear Dean scream his name. To have nail marks etched deep into his back, reminding him every time he moved. 

Cas was barely half hard, but he rubbed his groin against Dean's anyways. Deans hands took on a life of their own, and he laid down completely so he could ruck his hands in Cas's floppy semblance of a Mohawk. His fingers clenched painfully in Cas's hair every time he rocked their hips together. It was a pain he welcomed, knowing he was driving Dean to euphoria. Cas roughly tongue fucked his mouth while rutting against him in deep, hard thrusts. 

Seconds, minutes or hours later, Cas didn’t know, he felt Dean's muscles start to quiver, signaling that he was close to finishing. Couldn’t have that happen now, could he? Castiel pulled away, only his clothed knees touching near Dean's thighs. 

Dean garbled something inaudible, it sounded like "no" and "come back". Cas instantly had his cocked head and grin bearing down on the writhing man before him. Cas gave him an evil grin before he reached through the fabric of his t-shirt and flannel to his nipples. 

Cas tugged hard enough to elicit a delicious moan/scream. He massaged them slightly before adding a slight twist an pull. Dean's back arched into it, pushing his clothed hard-on against Cas's stomach. 

"CASSS!" Dean moaned loudly, every muscle in his body straining while he came violently in his pants. Cas was kind of disappointed that his didn’t come from just the abrasions on his nipples, however the sight of him falling apart underneath him almost made Cas finish. It was music to his ears. 

Dean laid completely limp, aside from his labored breathing, his eyes closed. Cas rolled over him, dangling his feet of the edge of the cylinder. Cas waited for Dean to come off of his high, meanwhile he toyed with his lip ring, trying to ignore his burning erection. He desperately wanted to come inside Dean, that thought was good enough to wait an eternity if he had to. 

Castiel glanced back down to Dean to see the green eyed man looking back at him. He looked absolutely wrecked. 

"That good Winchester? You're making my ego go a little crazy." Simpering down at Dean. He rolled his eyes, but it was in a sarcastic manor. There was a ghost of a smile on the edge of his lips. Cas couldn’t help himself. 

Leaning down while Dean's eyes were closed, Cas placed his lips across Dean's licking his way back into his mouth. He let out a startled "hmmph" sound but didn’t protest otherwise. Cas could tell he liked it when his barbells dragged across Dean's tongue or the inside of his cheek, he would let out a small whimper or sigh. It was wonderful. 

Cas let his free hand that wasn’t propping him up caress down the other boys ribs, to his hips, then making small circles in the space above his semi-hard cock, but still below his bellybutton. Still busying Dean's mouth, Cas shifted his hand over Dean's jean-covered groin. 

He gasped hard at the pressure and Cas took advantage of his open mouth to see how far back he could get his tongue piercing against the other tongue. He was able to coax Dean to get mostly hard. Pat on the back for that. 

"You want to find another place to finish what we started? This cold cement hardly seems suitable." He said against the light-haired boy's lips. He watched as Dean slowly began to process what Cas was suggesting.


	4. Chapter 4

"You want to find another place to finish what we started? This cold cement hardly seems suitable." He said against the light-haired boy's lips. He watched as Dean slowly began to process what Cas was suggesting. 

"uuh, umm y-ye. wait, what time is it?" Damn. So close. Castiel didn’t know what he expected. Of course Dean would try to find a way out of it. Dump and ditch, it's like the oldest act in the book. 

Not like Dean would actually want to lose his virginity to someone like himself. He really shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up like that, he'd never get someone like Dean, so why dream that fantasy? 

Cas hid his pain beneath one of his fakest smiles and pulled out his phone. He answered even as his heart dropped. 

"Its almost 2:30. let me guess, you half to go. Right?" He intended it to sound sarcastic and taunting, but it came out more jaded. 

Dean looked at him warily as if choosing his words carefully. "Yeah, cause I have to pick up my brother from the middle school at 3:00." Cas's face must have given away what he was thinking. "We can do this again, Hell we can even finish this up at my house, but I really do have to pick Sammy up." 

He sounded sincere enough. Maybe Dean did want him back. Cas almost laughed at that thought, how absurd. He was just about to agree to Dean's plan, when his phone vibrated in his hand. 

Frowning he opened his flip phone to see a text from Balthazar, his boss. 

"I guess today just wasn't meant to be, Winchester." He snuck a quick peck on the lips of the green eyed boy before jumping off of the cement cylinder. 

"Where are you going?" The other man called to Cas. 

"Duty calls. See you around Winchester." He started walking to the opening of the abandoned lot, taking a short cut behind some tree that would lead him to the tattoo parlor. In the distance he could hear the Impala start up. 

Cas entered through the back door and walked up to the front of the store to see one of his regulars. He beckoned them in the back to finish up his customer's sleeve. The whole time he was ruing, thinking that he could be balls deep in a beautiful freckled face boy. 

It was nearly 7:00 when He finally left the parlor, pocketing just under $800. The walk home was quite without his music blasting in his ears. He opened his pack of cigs to find that only two more remained. 

Cas finished the last of his remaining cigarettes by the time he reached his house nearly two hours later. The lights were on, and he could hear yelling from outside. Great. 

Standing on the back porch railing, Cas lifted himself up to the roof where he could enter his room without interruptions. He kept the window open, airing out his attic. 

He was almost through his 4th bowl of weed when his phone vibrated in his pocket. Once he was done smoking, he pulled off his cloths except from his boxers and crashed on his bed, phone forgotten and he slipped into a deep sleep filled with forest green eyes and thick framed glasses. 

***

Castiel had a sleeping disorder. He could only get a couple hours, never more than 6. His old therapist said it was due to his constant anxiety and other mental related problems, which Cas was fine with, because if he had to have 8-12 hours of twisted dreams and nightmares he might actually commit suicide. It also made him an early bird, so he never really had to worry about setting an alarm on his phone, or worry about being late. 

Today was something new for him. He awoke to several buzzing sounds. Groaning he reached out to where his phone should be attached to the charger, but it wasn't there. He heard it again, but it only buzzed once. 

Cas lifted his head off his pillow to see light streaming in through his window, the brightness of it made his eyes ache. 

Standing up, he walked across his room to find the source of the buzzing. It was his phone, but he never took it out of his jeans last night. There were 8 messages, 7 from that mystery number he knew to be Dean's, and one from Balthazar. 

The time flashed on his phone. Holy shit he thought. It was almost 1:00, meaning he's skipped two of the three school days. He didn’t care that much about high school, but he still wanted to get accepted to college. This was his last year to make an impression, and he was already off to a shitty start. Damn. 

Dean's messages read: 

Where did you vanish too? I wasn't turning you down.  
sent at 2:33 PM 

I'm being serious, we can do this again.  
sent at 2:36 PM 

Unless you don’t want to, which is fine too.  
sent at 2:36 PM 

You left your food in my car by the way. I'll put it in the fridge after I pick up Sammy. You should seriously eat more. That’s not a request, even if you are ignoring me  
sent at 2:38 PM 

Did you make it home alright? I'm not trying to pester, just genuinely concerned.  
sent at 11:15 PM 

Are you at school, or are you deliberately ignoring me? We don’t have to be friends, I'm a big boy and can handle it. No need to be a third grader and give me the silent treatment.  
sent at 12:39 PM 

Never mind, I get it. I'll leave you be, sorry for being a bother. I hope you feel better today.  
sent at 12:50 PM

Balthazar had texted him at 9:59 AM asking him to fill in Ash's shift at the register. unfortunately Ash worked night shifts, so he'd be there again until closing time. Great. 

Cas was just about to reply to Dean's mod of texts right when his phone died. What else does the universe have in store for me today? He thought bitterly. 

He put his phone back on its charged and flopped onto his matress. Before he could even pull the blanket over his head, he was dead to the world, letting sleep take him over. 

When he awoke for the second time, the day was mostly gone. it was nearly 6:00 and time for Cas to head out to the tattoo parlor. 

On his way, He picked up a new pack of cigs and smoked two before clocking in. He silently cursed himself for forgetting his phone. And Ash too. Today was shit. He hated working the register and the front of the shop. 

There was nothing to do. No tv, no radio, no new magazines, it really was hell. He also forgot his iPod, so there was nothing but the faint buzzing sounds of the tattoo gun running in the back of the store. Fun. 

About 2 hours into his shift, a group of people came in, talking loudly over each other. Their words were partially slurred. A red headed girl stumbled to the register, steadying herself on the counter. 

She looked up at Castiel, recognition hitting them both at the same time. Of course it was Charlie. Her jaw dropped, and her eyes traced the black and blue bruise that covered most of his cheek. 

"YOU! You're him, that guy, t-the guy guy!" She was completely drunk, and relying on the counter to support herself. 

Cas covered up his discomfort behind his fake smile. "Sure thing. What are you and your friends looking for this evening?" He tried his best to sound professional. 

"I really really wanted this tattoo of princess Leia and a twenty sided dice-" She pause her sentence and fished out a paper in her back pocket. "That!" she stated loudly with a proud smile.  
It was a sketch of princess Leia in her slave outfit straddling a twenty sided dice. It was not something he expected. He let out a dry laugh and called Balthazar down to the front of the store. 

Several hours later, Charlie's gang left and Cas closed down shop with Balth. 

"You're familiar with that ginger gal, yeah?" Barbed Balthazar. They were both sweeping up the floor, and Cas cursed as he almost dropped his broom. 

"Something like that." Evasiveness never worked with his boss, but he tried anyways. 

"She told me you left quite the stunning impression on a good friend of hers." Cas froze. He stood stock still as the Brit continued talking. "Dave? Dan? Dev? Some name like that. So who kiss and told?" 

Cas was violently grinding his teeth. He wanted to lie, but if his boss was good at anything, it was playing people. For all he knew, Charlie probably told him everything. 

"He's just some kid that helped me out, it's nothing." 

"Yeah? From what I hear, you did most of the helping." Balth flashed him a smile and a wink, implying that he knew. Dammit. He knew. 

"What do you want to know? It's not like you to beat around the bush." Cas finished his portion of sweeping and began to lock up the cash register. 

"Well from what I was told, very drunkenly mind you, that you got in quite the tussle before school." His boss paused, frowning at the dirt he swept into a pile. 

"What's your point?" Castiel was tired. He was hungry. Nothing sounded more satisfying than leaving this soon-to-be deep discussion with his boss. 

"But-" He continued, annoyed at the interruption. "From what I heard, you delivered quite well. So well in fact, that you never once got hit in the face. So I gotta ask, how'd you get something like that before even arriving at school?" 

Cas knew what his boss was hinting at. He knew about his abusive dad, and try he did, to get Cas to admit he needed help. Cas sighed loudly before locking the front door. Balthazar waited by the back entrance for Cas, so he too could lock up. 

"You should file a compliant, yeah?" His voice was soft, and supportive. Cas sighed again. The cold outside air burned his lungs. 

"We've been through this before, nothing's changed so just drop it okay?" 

Balthazar huffed a defeated breath. "Would you at least like a ride home?" Cas was about to turn down his offer when his stomach growled loud enough for the other man to hear it. "Of course you would. What say you, we get some take-away?" 

His mercurial mood changed to that of a happy friend. "Fast food isn't take out, Balth. C'mon, get with times here Brit." Cas sent him a bright, teasing smile and climbed into the passenger side of the man's car. 

When they pulled out of the drive through, He caught scent of the food and immediately thought back to the Roadhouse with Dean. Oh shit. 

Normally he could anticipate his anxiety attacks, like feeling his temperature rise, or his heart start to quicken, but not today. Within a matter of seconds his head felt light, black and white splotches were all he could see, and his skin heated up. It felt like he was on fire. 

He didn’t know how long he stayed like that, but soon enough he felt the other man direct him into his calming position-his head between his knees. 

"Deep breaths. Come on now, Deep breaths." He felt a firm hand pressed on trapezius. Cas slightly cringed. He could still feel the bruise that was just milimeters from where Balthazar's' hand was. He could feel he boss lift up the collar of his shirt to look closely at the blackened skin. He dropped the hem of Cas' shirt and let out another defeated sigh. 

Minutes later, Balthazar stopped his car a block away from the punk's house. They learned the hard way that sometimes his dad looked out the window. His dad didn’t approve of "mysterious" vehicles appearing in the drive way. 

Cas' attack had long since stopped, and now they just sat in silence. He could tell that his boss really wanted to say something. He knew exactly what it was going to be about too. 

"Spit it out." Cas leaned his head against car window. He really just wanted this "caring" business to stop. 

"Well I was wondering if I could convince you to take pictures of your bruises. Ya know as an insurance policy. Just in case things get out of control-" Cas cut him off in an indignant snort. "But knowing how much a knob you are, it's doubtful. Wishful thinking 'n all." 

"Is that it?" Cas didn’t want to be rude to his boss, but they both knew this was a very touchy subject. It was one of the only topics that he had complete control over. 

"One more thing." Of course. Castiel closed his eyes and waited for Balthazar to tell him how he always had a place to stay, how he could trust him, etc. "Make sure you apologize to that boy of yours, yeah?" 

That was completely unexpected. He was completely dumfounded, and words escaped him. The other man must of understood by his raised eyebrows. 

"The ginger gal made it out to seem like there was something special 'bout him. Knowing how allergic to relationships you are, thought I'd try to knock some sense into ya." Cas was still at a loss of words. "I'm wasting my breath, go on and get some sleep. You must be knackered." 

"I've dated before!" Cas thought back to Daphne. She was the only long-ish term relationship he ever had. 

"No lad, you’ve had yourself some acquaintances that you took for several shags. There's a difference." 

"Then tell me, all knowing master, what should I do?" Cas realized he screwed up. But the words were already out. 

"Does that mean you do want him, rather than a quick shag?" Balthazar had a huge smile that showed in his eyes. 

Castiel exhaled sharply. Grabbing his bagged food, he opened the door. He was stopped by a firm hand holding onto his forearm. 

"Relax, I'm just dickin' with ya. But seriously, don't fuck it up. The gal told me he likes comics and old telly shows, so start there. Good luck." 

Cas exited the car and walked to his house. A sad excuse of one really. Most of the paint was gone, revealing partially warped wood, there were cracks underneath the door that let bugs in. It also had next to no insulation. 

He carefully opened the door, lest it squeak and announce his arrival. Luckily the only person still awake in the house was Gabriel. He was sitting in the living room facing the hallway that led to Cas' attic. 

"Hey baby bro! You'll never guess what hap-" He stopped midway when he looked at Cas' face. Instinctively he turned his head so Gabe couldn't see. Not like Gabe didn't know what his father did. Hell, he beat all his children. But for some reason his older brother always seemed the most affected by it. "Again, huh? One day..." Gabriel said to himself. 

Cas ignored him, like always, and continued to his room, food held in his death grip. Once his room was sealed off, Castiel ripped open his food and consumed it within a few minutes. Sated and full, he grabbed his phone before settling on his mattress. 

There were no texts from Dean. Duh of course there weren't. Cas had ignored him, and in turn, Dean thought he was rejecting him. How could anyone reject such a beautiful person? He seemed all-around good, down to his very soul. 

After a moments thought, he decided it would be better to ask Dean out in person. He'd see him at school tomorrow so that would be a good start. But more than anything he wanted to just text him, to let the green eyed boy know that he truly was interested, However he knew that it wouldn't mean as much if he did. 

Instead Castiel fired up his laptop and immediately went to Tumblr, clicking on Dean's url. He stayed up all night stalking his new-found infatuation. And when it was time to go to school, Cas felt indestructible. He had a bulletproof plan, thanks to his many hours of research, on how to seduce Dean Winchester.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have absolutely no excuse for not doing anything with this fic, sorry guys :((  
> Im going to start working on it more often. Have no fear, I will finish it even if it kills me.

When Cas got to the school, he looked in both parking lots, trying to find Dean's baby. She was parked under the shade near the end of the teacher parking lot. Looking around, he found that the coast was clear and proceeded to pick the lock. Opening the glove box, he saw several tapes of AC/DC, Black Sabbath, Metallica, and Led Zepplin. 

Once he was done he locked the car again, then walked into the school, determined to find the freckled faced cherub. Which he did. But it was far from ideal. There was a pretty girl, tall and slender with a mob of long dark brown hair, and she was leaning over the table she and dean shared. 

This wasn’t supposed to happen. Cas was about 15 feet from the couple, and he instantly saw where he fucked up. Again. He never even asked if Dean was single, he just assumed because of the stunt with Charlie in the bathroom. But if Dean was single, then why did he let Cas get all handsy? 

Castiel came out of this thoughts when he heard her giggle loudly. He saw her reaching out to Dean's face to remove his glasses. Dean smiled fondly at her as she toyed with his optics, his freckles even more noticeable without them. 

Cas must have been standing there for quite some time, long enough for Charlie to sneak up on him. 

"Enjoying the view there?" Cas said nothing in reply, but rather just raise an eyebrow at her. Her hair was swept up in a messy bun, and she was wearing sweatpants with a Rebels zip-up. He was just about to comment on her appearance before she beat him to it. 

"Don’t look at me that way. You look like shit too, you know. At least my face isn't black and blue." He saw her eyes look over his cheek. The bruise cover his entire cheek with marbled colors of black and pale skin. The cut had barely scabbed over, making an even uglier color of red and brown on top of the bruise. It was quite a sight. Castiel wanted nothing to do with this topic though. 

"How goes the new tattoo?" The bell rang, and they both made their way toward their classes. 

"It burns a bit, and sounded like a better idea yesterday." They continued small talk until it was time to part. Bidding adieu, Cas walked into his physics class to spend an entire block period learning about the instantaneous rate of change. 

The rest of the school day went by slowly, especially the two hour classes. The worst part was that Castiel couldn’t find Dean anywhere. Not even during lunch. He opted to smoke in the parking lot. This day should have gone much better than it was currently. He planned everything down to the T. How could he not have anticipated this outcome? 

Stewing in his own regret, Cas finished up his day at school then walked to his job to hang out with Balthazar. He didn’t work today, but his boss would probably give him some extra hours anyways. 

Upon his arrival, he saw that Balth was with a customer. The man was getting a touch-up on his Marine tattoo. It was an eagle, globe and anchor with the words 'Sweat Saves Blood' underneath. 

"John, this is my apprentice, Cassie!" Balth had a beaming smile as he set down the tattoo gun. Cas frowned, and set his jacket on the stool next to the door. 

"It's Castiel, actually." Cas retorted, glaring at Balthazar as he took a seat next to him. 

"Castiel, huh? That's a new one." John raked a judgmental look down Cas' figure. Figures. Not like a man of war would have much respect for someone like himself. 

"That it is." Cas wasn't one for small talk, especially when it was with a person who blatantly hated him based on his appearance. These type of people sickened him. People who think that everyone who look like him are some kind of juvenile asshats. 

Not saying anything more, Castiel tried to study Balthazar's technique for touching up calligraphy, but every couple of minutes he was brought back to deep green eyes. Green eyes that were no longer interested. Green eyes that looked perfectly happy being with a girl. 

Cas was still staring off into space when he noticed that John was no longer with them anymore. Balthazar was cleaning up his station when Cas stood up. 

"D'you get your boy toy situated?" His boss had a saucy grin on his face. 

"First off, he's not mine. Second I was late to the draw." He let out a peeved sigh before he decided to grab a water from the Break Room. 

Moments later the Brit joined him there. "He wouldn’t be the reason you're trying to pick up extra hours, yeah?"  
Cas said nothing, but Balthazar continued. "You know, avoiding him won't solve anything. You shou-" 

"There's nothing to solve. Can you please just drop it already?" 

"So you're okay with him just catching your fancy? You made it seem like he-" 

"YES! I'm fine with it." 

"Doesn't sound like it from where I'm standing." 

"Will you please just drop it? I came here to not think about it, Not to have my boss hound me. Please?" Cas didn’t wait for Balth to say anything in response. He walked out of the break room to  
the front of the store. Luckily there were some people waiting at the register, something for him to occupy himself with. 

Two hours later, business slowed down and once again there was nothing to do. The only customer in the shop was with his boss. 

Cas was flipping through the People magazine for the billionth time, when he felt a presence behind him. 

"Still here, ah?" The brit had a cocky smile plastered on his face. 

"It would appear so." Cas said with a huff. Castiel didn’t mind being bored out of his wits. No, what bothered him most was the freckle faced beauty that kept sneaking into his mind and occupying his thoughts. The boy that he surely wasn't getting any time soon. 

"I still think you should just go for it, yeah?" 

"And remind me again, why should I? I'll just make a fool out of myself. Trust me, the ship has started route to Neverland." 

"Have some faith Cassie! Besides you got a lot goin-" 

"It doesn't matter, I'm signing out. Ciao." Cas was out of the parlor within the second. He could feel his anxiety building; his breathing becoming sporadic and uneven. 

In his fogginess, Cas stumbled behind the shop and towards the empty car lot. By the time he was able to make it towards a cement cylinder, his attack progressed to an extreme. The over-casted clouds were making his vision go bleary, black dots lined his vision, his breathing labored. 

The only thing he saw before falling into an abyss was concrete rushing towards his face, and all he could think of was the color green shielded behind glass. Beautiful.


End file.
